ps3

Sooo...I want a ps3. I started this post with the intention of writing about the winter meetings, but I realized I don't care that much about the deals right now. Yea they're interesting, but I've got no real opinions on them. What I find myself continually obsessing over is that shiny overpriced piece of machinery with the ungodly graphics.

So enter christmas time, where money comes in from multiple directions, and the lust for new gadgets is at its peak. As of this moment of typing, I'm leaning ever so slightly towards getting one this break. Honestly, I blame nintendo. What the hell happened, there's like nothing out for wii. Was so fucking spectacular that first year or so, but now it's just gimmick shit like wii music or rock band spinoffs or whatever it is they make. I think I've got one upcoming wii game on my radar (muramasa), and thas about it. So yea, depending on the level of boredom I reach, my sights are set on that damn ps3.

Alrite here's the truth, seg sent me this link, and now I can't stop thinking about how fucking awesome FFXIII is gonna be and how fucking badly I need that stupid machine. Can you blame me? That trailer is fucking awesome! Some of that is actual gameplay! WTF right?! God being a game nerd sucks, I am completely ruled by these damn companies. Well in 12 hours I'll be home, and maybe being home and finally being able to play my currently existing games will quell these ps3 thoughts. College is fucking torture man. I always told myself I'd do nothing but play games in college, o how naive I surely was.

DONE

Done with first quarter of my 2nd year. Feels so good. It wasn't my best quarter academically, but for some reason it feels like my most accomplished. It feels like I searched for my limit, but I didn't find it. It's one of the most exhilarating feelings I've ever had. Seriously my confidence is at an all time high, I'm starting to wonder how far I can actually go. My confidence before was always defiance, I couldn't accept that I was dumber than others. Right now, I feel more interested in what my abilities actually are, I'm tired of using others as measuring sticks. It's time I started guiding where my life leads. It won't happen instantly, but I really do feel like I've hit a significant turn. I could be completely wrong, I may just be imagining things, but at this moment it doesn't feel that way, so I'm gonna enjoy this while is persists.

Yay

Hohoho. Guess who beasted their history final. Felt very good about it. Answered everything quite thoroughly, and even the ones I didn't know I elegantly talked around. beasted the map portion, I memorized way too many islands that she didn't even bother putting on. The essay Q's were my biggest weakness, cause there was one I just straight didn't study, but I lucked out as the two that were my strongest turned out to be the ones on the test. All in all a very happy Mikio right now. Very happy. Haven't been this happy in a good long time. I've got to say the end of this quarter has been the best of my time at college so far. It's had the ups and downs, but a flurry of ups at the end here, an they've been good ones.

Dream

I had a nightmare last night. Seriously, its been a while since I had one. I was in my history final, and when I looked down at the paper I realized I only knew one answer on the whole test. It was completely demoralizing. I woke up feeling horrible, and then realized I've got all of today and tomorrow afternoon to cram still, you wouldn't believe the relief I felt. But what makes me the saddest about this, I actually dreamed about a poor result on an exam. That's fucking Hermione status dude. I know I'm a nerd an all but shit, this embarrasses me even. Yea, I make myself sad sometimes. On a happier note, winter meetings (i think) start tomorrow. Should be fun, hopefully doesn't destroy my studies. Yea it pretty much will destroy my studies, but hey, maybe as a result I'll dream about baseball instead. Yea I need winter break like no other...

Learn

So I'm failing. Failing at school, failing at life. I often look to the sky, open my mouth wide, and let out a shout of frustration...in my head only of course. Mostly it's just a heavy sigh towards the heavens. It makes me feel better for some reason, reminds me how small I am in this world, how little what happens to me actually matters. But I've hit a really awkward place in my life. Yea I feel like a failure, but I almost feel as if I am starting to learn from this constant failure. Cliche right? It's what it feels like though, maybe I actually am growing up. I dunno I look at some people who are like only a year older than me and I can't help but think, "goddamnit. so mature, so cool, what the fuck am i." That's right I think in all lower case. But seriously it irks me, I want to be that mature person so bad, someone who's comfortable in their own skin, someone who can be that comfortable self around others. But I do feel like I am slowly picking myself up. It's kind of like I spent my entire youth digging myself a huge hole, and somehow by randomly flailing around I've managed to find what I percieve to be as up. I could be fooling myself, it could just be straight downwards, but it feels like very slow progress. But so here's the weird part, what drove me to post this in the first place. This kind of progress I've been searching for for years now, it should make me happy or excited or somthing. But it just makes me sad right now. Maybe sad isn't the right word, it's more like regret or somthing. I should have got all this out of the way in my youth. I should have filtered all these problems out earlier in life so that I could fully enjoy who I am now. Maybe I'm just overrly emotional from no sleep last night. Don't ya just love take home finals. Shit was so hard, got to sleep at 6. History on monday, japanese on tuesday, hoping for home on wednesday. I must say this quarter has had it's ups and downs for sure. Problem is the downs felt eternal and the ups were ephemeral(totally my favorite word these days). But fuck it i'll take it, any kind of up is positive. For now I really should shelve my thoughts and study. Someday i'll laugh at myself for these kinds of posts, for now i'll just...i dunno...go be gloomy in a corner or somthing.

titles are starting to bug me

Holy crap man this final is hard. No mercy, just throw all the toughest things out here at us. I guess it's what I should have expected though. I have section for this class in about 40 minutes, but I don't know if there will be class or not since all we have to do is the final, and I'm wondering here if they are willing to answer questions we have about it. I don't really questions though, not yet at least. For the record, I hate semantics. It's pretty much the lamest/most pointless thing ever. I hope syntax is more interesting.

On to baseball. Pedroia signed a cheapy extension. I dunno what he's thinking, Boston has money to hand out, might as well take it. Giants signed renteria, at first I was skeptical about it but I kind of like the signing now. Not that big a believer in buriss, and I like how sabean is recognizing his division is garbage, may as well give it a shot. Pretty much what the A's are doing in a way. I dunno if renteria cost them picks though, if he did that would change my opinion of it probably. Really looking at it now they need a second baseman more than a shortstop. Prbly shoulda gone after hudson an let buriss do his thing at short, but whatever, at least its not manny or some other expected idiot signing. What else. Oh Vasquez to braves for Flowers and...I have no idea I never really checked what the final package was. Still don't know what ken williams is doing, maybe he'll go crazy and sign sabathia. That would make me happy actually. Apparently Khalil Greene is a cardinal now. I've always felt like khalil was some unlucky dude getting raped by petco, no statistical backing of this, that was always just my perception. I think it's the long hair, it makes you feel sorry for him for some reason. his eyes are sort of close together too, maybe that has somethin to do with it. No idea how the cards park dimensions play out, he'll prbly suck with the bat still anyway. alrite i've stalled enough, back to the final.

Good...

hmmm. Mikio is feelin good right now. Or maybe bad. Hard to tell, I've kind of been in my own world today. I think it's that ol' lack of sleep thing. Yes today was another essay day, so that means 3 hours sleep and nonstop studying, but now I can finally relax. Really, I shouldn't relax, I've a take-home final due friday that I have not started, the good student in this situation would knock out like half of it. Not me though, I'm motivated by having no time. Seriously I was way ahead on my essay today, I had like half of it done at like 1 this afternoon. So what did I do, I got lost in my thoughts while idly flipping through the textbook. And before I knew it, it was 5 an I really needed to step on the gas again. But it is done and it feels good. I'm really due for a baseball post, but nothing really exciting seems to be happening. Lots of rumors, not much action. I havent modified my site at all either, I feel lame with my plain an ugly log. Someday motivation will strike...but until then, procrastination/slackerization continues.