This is it

Today's the day. I've checked my email maybe 7 times since the clock hit 12, this is not going to be a good day for the nerves. I'm realizing I'm a complete idiot with planning. Got a take-home midterm as well as other things to do today. My mind is not going to be focused, I feel like an idiot. Was hoping to at least do most of the midterm today, but yea, syntax kicks my ass. Not failing tho! I've now witnessed two people fail, the professor sneakily goes to them like he's handing back homework, then talks to them in the back after class. Complete coincidence that I've witnessed this twice now, was just walking past and hear "you failed," and I'm just like fuck, that better not be me. But yea, if it wasn't clear what I was anticipating before, the answer would be berkeley decisions. Adrenaline already starting, this really is gonna be a wretched day...ok I really needa stop spamming my email.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Wow. Just wow. wtf man. How do you get 4 injuries in one game. Fucking match from hell. Anderson was doin awesome too. So now what happens. If it's blisters or somethin I dunno, you don wanna fuck around with that. I'm willing to bet (see: praying) Anderson will be fine. Ellis worries me. Hopefully not serious, though if he does go DL status I'd like to see Patterson get a shot, seems like he has been annihilating sac. Nomar I guess I'm not surprised. With Ellis an Nomar goin down I'm willing to bet pennington gets called up, he can at least cover like the whole infield. Still would rather see patterson though, we could use some fucking offense. Casilla is kind of problematic. Again, hopefully not serious. Really, healthy casilla or not, I'd like for Outman to be moved to the pen already. Bring someone up who actually ought to be a major league starting pitcher, someone like gio gonzalez. This team is frustrating, though I guess on the bright side the angels arnt exactly torching the league either. Not going to panic when we still less than 20 games into the season, but the injuries + futility thing is getting really old fast.

Guess What?

Dear Joji:

Congratulations! It is our great pleasure to offer you admission to UCLA for the Fall Quarter 2009. You have been admitted to the UCLA College of Letters and Science with Linguistics and Asian Languages and Cultures as your academic major.

I can't stop smiling, I nearly teared up, I swear. Finally did it. Berkeley still left, but with this news I feel somehow fulfilled. I knew I deserved this, I knew I was better than this. Hah I feel justified now, it's pathetic how this one stupid thing like a place of study can effect me like this, but it's the truth. It's like I can live my life now unashamed. I've lived for this, and finally, for the first time, I've made my wish come true. It feels absolutely incredible.

I'm scared here guys

It's just past 1am and I am finished with my Syntax II homework. You see, the past, oh I dunno, four assignments or so have owned me hard. Really hard. Like crash and burn, tear my hair out, stay up til 4 hard. I've finally given into coffee basically every morning now thanks to this damn class. To put it lightly, I've been getting murdered. But tonight it's only 1 and I am finished. And it really wasn't that hard, I'd have finished by midnight if I were truly grinding through it like I normally try to do.

So why worry right? I dunno its what I do. I wonder if I just totally missed the boat on the assignment you know, just did it so completely wrong I didn't notice. I guess that is unlikely, but if you're understanding of the material is way off base then it is possible. I do feel behind in the class, but not completely lost at least.

I will say, my first experience here just feeling overwhelmed by a class. It's just really difficult for me, if I weren't so interested in the material I don't know if I'd be taking it still. In a way it's incredibly refreshing, I am being more than challenged and I actually have a desire to learn the material. Not just learn, I want to really know it, it can be really cool stuff. My crazy Irish professor is always saying, "Isn't this beautiful? Can you see the beauty of syntax now?" and you know, sometimes I wonder about him, but sometimes when shit actually works out in my head and on the paper, I can see it, an it really can just get a smile out of me. I used to get this feeling in my math classes when I was younger, like I was solving puzzles, and when they were complete and I saw how much sense they made and how they can explain things so precisely, I couldn't help but enjoy it. Funny how the last class I can really think of that challenged me like this would be ATDP geometry. Though I hated that, that wasn't a challenge that was just a holocaust.

School is weird. That's as best I can sum it up. It really is just a strange process to put oneself through. Tomorrow I wake up early, go to class, turn my shit in, then go home! Woo! Blow off Japanese for the first time all year. Seriously, I don't think I've been absent once yet. But I figure, fuck, I'll sacrifice the A+ for an A, my sanity is worth it.

i play too many games

today my japanese teacher said "are you okay?" except not really. it reminded me of this. and i had myself a good chuckle.

Stupid European Professors

My notes read as follow:

WH-M out of complement CP is easy.
WH-M out of subject CP is buggered.

Wat...I don't even remember writing this down, I musta just half asleep written down whatever it was he was saying. What's that supposed to mean tho, "buggered" isn't exactly descriptive, well to my ear at least. Syntax continues to kick my ass.

Crap

My goal today was get a ton of homework done. I've really gotten my ass handed to me the last couple of assignments in syntax, so I figured it was time to up the effort level. Today I woke up sick. Just didn't feel good at all. So I did what any sick person does, I slept more, I watched television (Yao Ming a beast!), and I pretty much avoided any responsibilities. The result is tomorrow is going to have to be an all day work day, whether I'm over this or no. Bad situation, as I'll probably be up late tomorrow working, which will only worsen my condition. Sickness is just the crappiest thing, who the hell invented sickness. They suck.

Hurraaaaaaaaaaay Assured Victory

Alright so I know rooting for injuries to happen to people is considered unclassy, but fuck class/snobs who perch on their self created moral totem poles, I hate the angels. No not Adenhart, that really is sad, that actually does make me feel terrible. I'm thinking something more like boob rippage. Come on, tell me its not just a little funny. Alright, I'll bet its painful, still makes me chuckle though. That offense is so fucked now though, it's just zero power. Well, Napoli if they ever decide to play his ass, which I am hoping does not happen too often. That team is just crumbling away, piece by piece. At this rate Ichiro is gonna be a bigger threat to us. Ichiro and the feeble force that is Endy Chavez. This is the year! It just has got to be!

Weird Ants

Weird right? All female, self cloning ants. Kind of a funny coincidence that they amazonian ants too. What really caught my attention though was this little gem near the beginning(bold emphasis my doing):

This species - the first ever to be shown to reproduce entirely without sex - cultivates a garden of fungus, which also reproduces asexually.

That is some enders game shit right there. Are they connected to the fungus somehow? The article speculates about that at the end, apparently I'm not the only Orson Scott Card fan around. I ferget what they were called, piggies or something right? And didn't the new strain of buggers have a plant they connected with too? Forgetting, should probably read those books again, they were damn enjoyable.

SWISH

dahahahahahahaha. I don't care if it was only gabe kapler, that is awesome. I wanna know what he threw, what his K pitch was. think swish could pitch switch if he wanted? man I love it when guys play out of position, makes for some fantastic moments.

Crazy

My roommate is crazy. And I'm not just saying it, he really is. And I'm confident in my diagnosis, I've seen crazy before, and while not as extreme, this is, without a doubt, it. And let me say this, it is FUCKING ANNOYING. He will not shut up, he feels the need to tell me everything on his mind (incoherent streams of thought, pointless, misguided, uninformed...kind of like this blog!...but I digress) , he has almost no filter between his head and his mouth. I say almost because he told me he felt like cussing out a guy and refrained, so apparently he hasn't completely lost control.

He listens to no one, he feels compelled to constantly engage me in conversation but anything I say fails to register with him. He tells me he has figured people out, gives me his bogus theories about human nature.

He's fucking nuts, hes getting into shit in public even, hes had incidents, I'll leave it at that. Today he tells me, rather writes on a paper and shows me, that the government is tracking him. I'm not making it up, cliche as fuck too, no one says hes the smartest guy on the block...yea in all probability hes probably the dumbest. But back to the point, he refused to talk about it out loud, would only write it down, if I said something that kind of hinted at the government listening or him "catching on to them" his eyes would get huge and he would just shake his head in fear basically. So I played along, asked him since when he has been kicking this theory around in his head, he told me about two weeks, which, coincidentally, is how long we've been at school this quarter and also when I've realized something is off with this guy. So I dunno what happened to him over break. Somethin happened tho, iono if it was drugs, iono if its just some natural imbalance, but he is, without a doubt, nuts.

I havent confronted him about it, appaently he has been advised to go see a therapist, I also highly reinforced this sentiment, telling him its natural and that I was even considering it myself (actually am still considering it, it is free), but for some reason I get the feeling he will not go. Last night he was up til like 4:30 painting. And by painting I mean mixing colors on a paper until you have a sheet of paper the color of shit. Literally. And the whole fucking time he didn't stop talking about colors and how it makes him feel, sorry how it makes EVERYONE feel, since in his own little world he can't seem to understand that some people feel differently than him.

It's painful, and my other roomate isn't here so I have to be the one to put up with this nut job. My other roomate is kinda retarded socially (like I'm one to talk), so he kinda goes along with the crazy talk as if it were a normal discussion. He kind of likes those kind of abhorrently annoying speculations on life where he can attempt to be "witty" (he's not, if you could create the computer nerd archytype, it would be this guy. seriously it makes me sad, the only difference is maybe some computer nerds are smart, this guy is a SC student...alrite I digress yet again).

My problem here is what to do. How long do I put up with this? When do I phone housing office requesting a change? When do I phone the cops to haul this crazy off? I'm reluctant to do it now because even though it is apparent somthing is off, he isn't in the deep end yet, and he has said he will get help (though again, doubt it, how many crazy people actually get help out of their own will). Though on the flip side I don't want it to escalate to the point where he does go off the deep end and I have to go find help for my sake as much as his. It is, needless to say, an uncomfortable situation to be in. I'll say this, if he becomes so annoying that it becomes a hindrance to my education, he is gone. I have been working hard this year, no fucking way some wack job fucks it all up for me.

Woo Davis

Yes! Got into Davis! I've already doubled my success rate from the first attempt! Two down, two to go! Though admittedly, the last two are a bit of a different beast entirely. Still though, fucking momentum man, this keeps my optimism afloat.

that sure is different

dahahaaha man i can really get used to this scoring runs thing. Yea I was pulling my hair out over missed opportunities against adenhart, but those last few innings were exciting, even if I was just silently fidgeting in my seat waiting for the gameday to update. Yea cant get any illegal streams to work for me anymore either, really sucks. but yea, having the option to go to nomar in the 9th against fuentes, that felt spectacular. An havin crosby in right field! man I wish I coulda seen that. Feels good though, take two from the angels. and hey eveland man, not bad. got those grounders, only 2 walks, shit yea I'll take that. brett anderson tomorrow! man I hope I can figure somthin out by then.

lets worry about pitching

so no, i cant watch A's games here. dont know why. though lets be honest here, video wasnt necessary to come to the conclusion that cahill sucked. glad we won and finally scored some runs, but seeing one of our promising young guys just suck that bad is worrisome. if his next few starts are this bad, im hoping the A's dont hesitate to send him down to sac or maybe even midland. we'll see how anderson does, more optimistic on anderson if only cause hes thrown a few innings in AAA, and everyone seems to love to talk about how mature and composed the guy is.

eveland and adenhart tomorrow, that should be another ugly game. hopefully eveland puts some things together this year, not too optimistic though. figure someone with his stuff would K more guys, but not the case. big problem, as with all our pitchers, is the walks. shit well fangraphs is tellin me had put up a 4.09 FIP last year. thats a hell of a lot better than i would have thought. you know, eveland may k only a modest amount of guys, an he walks a billion, but he did have a slick gb%. nice hr/fb% too, though i'd venture a guess that it will experience some regression this year. projections seem to expect more of the same as last year, all predict a improvement in k/bb at least. so maybe i've shortchanged the guy, perhaps dana eveland is alright. yea hes noone to be excited over, but i see no reason to think he cant fill that blanton role that the club really could use at the moment. maybe even a tiny bit better if he can really get a grip of the control issues. either that or strike guys out like he did in the minors. shoot blanton actually had similar strikeout numbers in the minors too. wonder why the dropoff at the major league level for these two. be joe blanton, eveland. it'll make us all happy. yea i wish we still had joe blanton, that guy is awesome.

waht the gay

where is the A's game? why the fuck is santa cruz so retarded? its opening fucking day! i wanna see holliday! its not even on espn...which it is supposed to be. santa cruz: the shitiest city that shit could make.

The Roster

My first reaction: why is Gallagher in the pen? I mean, I thought the whole excuse here was he had some mechanical issues to deal with, why not send him down like what was done with Gio? I'm very afraid that Anderson and Cahill aren't ready. Yea, the team knows their personnel better than anyone, but it doesn't stop me from worrying. Andrew Bailey makes the team huh. Hope he can be decent, kind of sucks not having Devine now. To be honest, the pitching does not appear to be the mess I thought it was. Yea it sucks, but there are a ton of swappable parts here, we may suck but it looks to be consistant suck. One or more of these guys get hurt/suck it up more than others, we can swap in someone else. So yea, not exciting, but there seems to be plan B, C, and D in place when they are needed. Hell we gonna need them too, we already had our best pitcher and arguably best reliever get hurt.

Same can be said for the position players really. Not the injury part, the swappable part. Alright, if Holliday goes down, we're fucked, but anyone else it don't matter taht much. Suzuki I guess depending how much you trust Powell's knees. Nomar, Crosby, Rajai Davis, Powell is beyond a solid bench. That's a pretty fucking awesome bench. Not to mention our AAA depth, you know with nomar giambi and chavy on the team hannahan an barton wont be down there for long. This year is gonna be fun. Probably gonna see about fifty million different players put on a A's uniform, but none of that matters if they manage to win games. And hell, if this year isn't the year, it'll be neat to see how Beane tears down this roster. Lot of young guys, but certainly some tradeable pieces too. Hopefully it doesn't come to that though, I'm thinkin playoffs this year.

Why is kanji so Hard?

Remember that whole motivation thing I was worried about leaving me this quarter concerning Japanese? I think it might be leaving me. I already fucked up on the first quiz of the quarter, and I'm well on my way to fucking up the second. Plus my homework, well, hope my TA this quarter has a sense of humor. Hopefully the study gear re-engages soon, I really have much to lose this quarter.

Random observation, I've made exactly 10 posts every month so far this year. Maybe I have a unconscious posting routine?! That would be neat.

Weird Dream

Weirdest experience ever today. As a preface, no I am not on drugs. So anyways, I took a nap this afternoon in between classes. As I was in that falling asleep phase I came into this really strange state of consciousness. I mean really strange. I was totally aware of the situation, which kind of made it even weirder. My eyes were closed, yet it was if I was seeing through them, and what I saw was as if I were lying on a striped blue comforter. Except I wasn't, I knew I was on my green sheets, but I could see this comforter as clear as anything I've ever seen before in my life. I could interact with it too, like I sleepily shifted the position of my arm an it behaved like any comforter would, I dunno if this makes any sense, but it just felt like I was somewhere I wasn't. But it felt so real, as in not a dream, and I was most definitely still awake, I even half opened an eye to check that I was still in my own bed (for the record, I was). Being as tired as I was, I went along with it, and fell asleep. Then I had a dream, I dream a huge fucking wasp was crawling on the blue striped comforter next to me. My first thought was this is just a dream, don't worry. Actually no, my first reaction was somthin like, "holy shit that thing is big," and then I reminded myself to not freak out since its a dream. Here I was dead sure it was a dream, I don't know why, but I just knew it was. But then I thought, this comforter thing was so real before though, I ought to wake up just in case. An I repeated that thought to myself, "alrite, wake up" and I did. I've done this kind of thing before, actually it usually happens when I realize I'm in a dream while it is happening. I think there's only one situation I can remember when I was dreaming and thought like, fuck it, rather keep this goin than wake up right now. The difference here was I wanted to wake up cause I thought maybe the dream was real. So I groggily wake up and look where the wasp should be. No wasp actually. But there was a baby spider. Tiny little white spider. I blew him off my sheets and went to back sleep, pissed that I had woken myself over this damn spider. It was fucking weird though. The whole alternate sleep space thing, then dreaming about it, then waking up and not forgetting any of it. It's all still very clear in my head. I wanna know what triggered this. It was all just too bizarre. wonder if it will happen again. was just the strangest experience I've had in some time, if not ever.