I'm scared here guys

It's just past 1am and I am finished with my Syntax II homework. You see, the past, oh I dunno, four assignments or so have owned me hard. Really hard. Like crash and burn, tear my hair out, stay up til 4 hard. I've finally given into coffee basically every morning now thanks to this damn class. To put it lightly, I've been getting murdered. But tonight it's only 1 and I am finished. And it really wasn't that hard, I'd have finished by midnight if I were truly grinding through it like I normally try to do.

So why worry right? I dunno its what I do. I wonder if I just totally missed the boat on the assignment you know, just did it so completely wrong I didn't notice. I guess that is unlikely, but if you're understanding of the material is way off base then it is possible. I do feel behind in the class, but not completely lost at least.

I will say, my first experience here just feeling overwhelmed by a class. It's just really difficult for me, if I weren't so interested in the material I don't know if I'd be taking it still. In a way it's incredibly refreshing, I am being more than challenged and I actually have a desire to learn the material. Not just learn, I want to really know it, it can be really cool stuff. My crazy Irish professor is always saying, "Isn't this beautiful? Can you see the beauty of syntax now?" and you know, sometimes I wonder about him, but sometimes when shit actually works out in my head and on the paper, I can see it, an it really can just get a smile out of me. I used to get this feeling in my math classes when I was younger, like I was solving puzzles, and when they were complete and I saw how much sense they made and how they can explain things so precisely, I couldn't help but enjoy it. Funny how the last class I can really think of that challenged me like this would be ATDP geometry. Though I hated that, that wasn't a challenge that was just a holocaust.

School is weird. That's as best I can sum it up. It really is just a strange process to put oneself through. Tomorrow I wake up early, go to class, turn my shit in, then go home! Woo! Blow off Japanese for the first time all year. Seriously, I don't think I've been absent once yet. But I figure, fuck, I'll sacrifice the A+ for an A, my sanity is worth it.