Passion

I need something to get passionate over. I've always had some kind of academic chip on my shoulder, but now that I'm here at ucla...I've started to stop caring. And you know what? It really isn't bothering me. Maybe I'll keep going, maybe I'll fail, but academics, at the moment, I could really give a fuck. All I want to do is take Japanese. It's all that really matters at this point to me. Linguistics? yea interesting stuff, but Japanese just feels so relevant to me. But I probably can't continue Japanese here...due to the gayness of this school and retarded transfering systems. So I find myself caring less about school by the minute. I wish I could draw good, or play sports well, or raise kittens in my desk drawers or something. Anything to captivate me, get me caring about life again. I just feel depressed. It's been commin on for a while, but I always shoved it aside as me feeling emo. I dunno, it kinda scares me. Something being wrong with me from a mental standpoint, that is. I play video games to escape this feeling usually, but right now it just doesn't seem appealing.

Parents always used to justify things by saying they knew wat was best for me. I always ignored that, always. How could they know whats best for me? Now I look back, they didn't have any idea, but I sure as fuck didn't either. And now I'm 20 and still haven't figured my shit out. Lifes too short to live like this, but I'm starting to wonder if it is even long enough to ever make sense of anything. Well, none of that matters, I'm prbly just hungry/over heated right now, this was a pointless post to begin with.

< /tired rant >