This is it

Today's the day. I've checked my email maybe 7 times since the clock hit 12, this is not going to be a good day for the nerves. I'm realizing I'm a complete idiot with planning. Got a take-home midterm as well as other things to do today. My mind is not going to be focused, I feel like an idiot. Was hoping to at least do most of the midterm today, but yea, syntax kicks my ass. Not failing tho! I've now witnessed two people fail, the professor sneakily goes to them like he's handing back homework, then talks to them in the back after class. Complete coincidence that I've witnessed this twice now, was just walking past and hear "you failed," and I'm just like fuck, that better not be me. But yea, if it wasn't clear what I was anticipating before, the answer would be berkeley decisions. Adrenaline already starting, this really is gonna be a wretched day...ok I really needa stop spamming my email.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Wow. Just wow. wtf man. How do you get 4 injuries in one game. Fucking match from hell. Anderson was doin awesome too. So now what happens. If it's blisters or somethin I dunno, you don wanna fuck around with that. I'm willing to bet (see: praying) Anderson will be fine. Ellis worries me. Hopefully not serious, though if he does go DL status I'd like to see Patterson get a shot, seems like he has been annihilating sac. Nomar I guess I'm not surprised. With Ellis an Nomar goin down I'm willing to bet pennington gets called up, he can at least cover like the whole infield. Still would rather see patterson though, we could use some fucking offense. Casilla is kind of problematic. Again, hopefully not serious. Really, healthy casilla or not, I'd like for Outman to be moved to the pen already. Bring someone up who actually ought to be a major league starting pitcher, someone like gio gonzalez. This team is frustrating, though I guess on the bright side the angels arnt exactly torching the league either. Not going to panic when we still less than 20 games into the season, but the injuries + futility thing is getting really old fast.

Guess What?

Dear Joji:

Congratulations! It is our great pleasure to offer you admission to UCLA for the Fall Quarter 2009. You have been admitted to the UCLA College of Letters and Science with Linguistics and Asian Languages and Cultures as your academic major.

I can't stop smiling, I nearly teared up, I swear. Finally did it. Berkeley still left, but with this news I feel somehow fulfilled. I knew I deserved this, I knew I was better than this. Hah I feel justified now, it's pathetic how this one stupid thing like a place of study can effect me like this, but it's the truth. It's like I can live my life now unashamed. I've lived for this, and finally, for the first time, I've made my wish come true. It feels absolutely incredible.

I'm scared here guys

It's just past 1am and I am finished with my Syntax II homework. You see, the past, oh I dunno, four assignments or so have owned me hard. Really hard. Like crash and burn, tear my hair out, stay up til 4 hard. I've finally given into coffee basically every morning now thanks to this damn class. To put it lightly, I've been getting murdered. But tonight it's only 1 and I am finished. And it really wasn't that hard, I'd have finished by midnight if I were truly grinding through it like I normally try to do.

So why worry right? I dunno its what I do. I wonder if I just totally missed the boat on the assignment you know, just did it so completely wrong I didn't notice. I guess that is unlikely, but if you're understanding of the material is way off base then it is possible. I do feel behind in the class, but not completely lost at least.

I will say, my first experience here just feeling overwhelmed by a class. It's just really difficult for me, if I weren't so interested in the material I don't know if I'd be taking it still. In a way it's incredibly refreshing, I am being more than challenged and I actually have a desire to learn the material. Not just learn, I want to really know it, it can be really cool stuff. My crazy Irish professor is always saying, "Isn't this beautiful? Can you see the beauty of syntax now?" and you know, sometimes I wonder about him, but sometimes when shit actually works out in my head and on the paper, I can see it, an it really can just get a smile out of me. I used to get this feeling in my math classes when I was younger, like I was solving puzzles, and when they were complete and I saw how much sense they made and how they can explain things so precisely, I couldn't help but enjoy it. Funny how the last class I can really think of that challenged me like this would be ATDP geometry. Though I hated that, that wasn't a challenge that was just a holocaust.

School is weird. That's as best I can sum it up. It really is just a strange process to put oneself through. Tomorrow I wake up early, go to class, turn my shit in, then go home! Woo! Blow off Japanese for the first time all year. Seriously, I don't think I've been absent once yet. But I figure, fuck, I'll sacrifice the A+ for an A, my sanity is worth it.

i play too many games

today my japanese teacher said "are you okay?" except not really. it reminded me of this. and i had myself a good chuckle.

Stupid European Professors

My notes read as follow:

WH-M out of complement CP is easy.
WH-M out of subject CP is buggered.

Wat...I don't even remember writing this down, I musta just half asleep written down whatever it was he was saying. What's that supposed to mean tho, "buggered" isn't exactly descriptive, well to my ear at least. Syntax continues to kick my ass.

Crap

My goal today was get a ton of homework done. I've really gotten my ass handed to me the last couple of assignments in syntax, so I figured it was time to up the effort level. Today I woke up sick. Just didn't feel good at all. So I did what any sick person does, I slept more, I watched television (Yao Ming a beast!), and I pretty much avoided any responsibilities. The result is tomorrow is going to have to be an all day work day, whether I'm over this or no. Bad situation, as I'll probably be up late tomorrow working, which will only worsen my condition. Sickness is just the crappiest thing, who the hell invented sickness. They suck.