Grandmother died

On my father's side. Really weird, I'll just out and say it, I never really got along with her. She always annoyed me. I was probably her worst grandchild. Never called her, barely talked to her, kind of rejected her side of the family. She was always nice to me though, thats what grandparents do i guess, i was her only grandson too, she always reminded me of that. My dad sounds pretty bad, talked to him on the phone. His words show he is tryin to stay composed, but you can hear in his voice how shaken he is. I just got dropped back off at school today, kinda coincidental, sister an mother were actually driving down to LA to see my grandmother so they dropped me off along the way. Now my dad will follow down sometime in the next few days an will pick me up. what does one do at a funeral. i remember my grandpas, it was horrid. since my mom is the oldest in her family i had to sit in the very front with her. me an my sister didnt know what to do, everyone, family and friends (there was a ton, in excess of 100 easily id say) payed their respects, and then gave an apology to me or shook my hand. I didnt want that, to be honest i didnt feel half as bad as those people. they were crying, their pain was so clearly visible, for me it was just grandpa, a relative, sure, but again not someone i was ever really close too. it was the most awkward moment of my life, me an kayo just kinda laughed, we didnt really know what else to do. hopefully this wont be like this. one, dad is the youngest in his family, an two, it wont be a buddhist ceremony, though i don know how other funerals are done. i wonder if this will effect me more later. i feel kind of sad rite now but its been really sudden. with grandpa there was a kind of quick fall into illness and a slow progression downwards after that. this time, yea she was old and havin problems, but nothing really that made me even consider her life in danger. really, this looks to be a different kind of week.