Annnnnd Completion

So I did the spaghetti today. 500 grams of it, so more than a pound even. Was still hungry too, so I ate a small bowl of curry. Today was Lodi Obon, so we had all kinds of different food in the house. Of course, this food didnt arrive until like 930, hence me deciding to do the spaghetti challenge before. I did not go to Obon this year, I guess no one really cares if I go now that my grandpa is gone. Its weird loosing grandparents, you realize how much shit you felt obligated to do just to please them. But anyway, my point in this post is I completed my eat a pound of spaghetti in one sitting goal, and I actually surpassed it by quite a bit. Which normally would make me happy, but Im kind of confused actually. Im eating a lot here guys, like a lot a lot. Like never full a lot. All I do is eat these days, vast vast quantaties of...well everything. I don think I've ever eaten like this before, not even growing teenager phase. Which then makes me think...is this growing teenager phase 2.0?!?!?! Not sure how I feel about that. another inch or two would be sweet, I don wanna be more than like 6'2 or somthin tho, then ur gettin too tall. I havent really grown since like, I dunno, sophmore year of highschool or somthing, but theoretichally males keep growing well into their twenties right? I dunno, I dont see what else could make this happen, started around the end of school I think, where it just seemed like I could keep eating forever. Eh, not worth worrying over though, not like I can help it.

Fulfillment

No one told me I was on my own for din din last night. My parents went somewhere, my sister went out somewhere, no one told me they were going out to eat. I was gettin my ass handed to me in SF4 by andy, I didnt really care where they were going anyway. So whatever, midnight creeps up and I realize dinner is not gonna be made and all ive had to eat is a peanut butter jelly sandwich. What does one do in this situation? Cook a shit load of pasta...duh. So I grab a bag of penne, 500 grams it says, an I cook it an I eat it, no fucking problem. Like I ate it fast too, shit didnt take long. I got kinda curious this morning tho, and according to the numerous cheater conversion devices the internet provides, 500 grams is about 1.102 pounds. so where am I going with this? observe the official "to do before I die list:"

visit shimozaki property/meet a shimozaki in japan
see the aurora
go to cooperstown
jump through window an SHATTER the glass
Hop on a cable car in motion
eat a pound of spaghetti in one go

So no, wasn't spaghetti, but it was slightly more than a pound of penne. Spaghetti will be next week, but seriously this is the closest ive ever come to crossing something off this list of mine. Theoretichally spaghetti should be cake, less chewing, easier to swallow, plus I think it comes in pound packages rather than 500 gram packages. Fulfilling? You bet your fucking life it is.

In the clear

Passed my classes guys. I know, I get worried every goddamn quarter, but I was really scared this time. Grandma dieing really fucked everything up. But I passed. Got an A in japanese (goodbye A+ streak) an A- in health care (wtf rite? i dunno, stupidest class ive ever takin. really, an i went to public school my whole life, that class was really really really bad/made no sense) and a C in syntax II. fuckin syntax. I thought I was doin really well in that class. Then the whole miss a week of class thing happened, totally bombed the last two assignments, the last of which was the take home final. Couldn't care less at this point though. I felt like I learned shit, I felt like I was, at times, intensely engaged and interested in the material, and fuck it I passed, that class was the hardest shit i've ever come across. lookin at it now, thats the worst grade ive gotten in college. hell, i think thats the worst grade ive gotten since middle school, and it certainly is the worst grade ive ever gotten where i put considerable effort into the class. its strange tho, even tho i got my ass kicked and barely scraped a C, i feel accomplished; that class, for all the hairs i lost over it, was a blast. tomorrow ill try an sort my ucla shit out quick like, i needa get on top of my shit already. summer kills me, all i wanna do is sleep and not exist anymore. by not exist i think i mean fall in a coma or somthin, just have everyone ferget about me, let my head just sort its shit out for a few monthes on its own. yeeeeea comas are great. not really. you get wat i mean tho rite? maybe?

DONE WITH SYNTAX

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahahahaha 6am and im finally done with my take home final! god that shit is was a beast, i spent the last two days just staring at the data nonstop. seriously, even eating or shitting i had the paper in front of me. at this point, who cares if its wretched work, im done an all i have left is fuckin nihongos at 4pm. sleepy time now, but fuckin hell yes do i feel amazing rite now.

Grant Green

I'm not too big a fan, but whatever A's got a legit prospect at a position that is just empty in the organization. Things I don't really like about Green, hes kind of big for a shortstop...which I realize its dumb for that to be a reason to not like him but it reminds me of crosby, so I immediately dont like that. they say he can field alrite, hit alrite, has some pop, has some speed, but the thing is no one really seems sure about this, the skills are there but the performance hasnt really been. I really doubt the A's woulda taken him if they had doubts about his sticking at short, so really he probably doesnt have to hit all that much to be useful to our team within the next few years, just as long as hes more capable than pennington. anyway back to things im not fond of, hes a boras client. hes kind of just this boring white guy whos never really going to be super crazy awesome. i mean fine, im not lookin for hanley here, but he doesnt really offer a few skills at least that are like, exceptional. hes just kinda decent at everything. so i guess what im saying is, great pick, hopefully he signs, the bored irrational fan in me is not amused.

Hmmm...I hope I'm wrong

Rob Neyer thinks the A's have an outside shot at the division if the pitching holds up. Color me less optimistic. Even if the rookies continue to be halfway decent (which I am skeptical of), I still have my doubts about the offense. Cabrera is garbage, third base is always garbage, Kennedy is not this good, Giambi has disappointed, Sweeney is garbage, well you get the point. Going into this season I thought the hitting would be fine and the pitching was the key. How naive right, this is the A's, we always pitch somehow, yet flounder at the plate. Texas can hit, they've somehow been great in the field, and for some reason their pitchers havent put up the level of suck they normally do. Anahiem can't hit, but they do so better than us, and on top of this their run prevention has been about as good as ours...minus lackey santanna and escobar for most of the season. If we really have a shot at this division, not only does the young staff need to keep improving but our position players need to wake up fast. This winning streak has been fun, but its come against a poor whitesox team and a fairly hilarious baltimore team. People can dream about october if they wish, I'm going to focus my mind on tomorrows draft and what this Holliday fellow is going to land us.

Perspective

We got two hit by Baltimore today, a team that's given up more hits than any other team in the majors. Really not that surprised, when you run a lineup that includes cabrera, crosby, davis, and petite, you can't really expect to score many runs. Yet we won the game somehow. Mazzaro showed a definite improvement upon his first outing, and we managed to score early thanks to their starter not knowing what a strike is. It's a rough time to be a A's fan, following a team this shitty can get really trying, but thank god I'm not an orioles fan, not even wieters can save them from last place for like the next million or so years. alrite maybe they pass the jays within the next few years if tillman an matusz pan out, but gettin above tampa/boston/ny is really just not happenin.

nooooooooooooooooooooooo

ucla has offered me a triple in some sort of dorm. fuck that school. i totally listed all singles as my options. not that they care about any of that ill bet, i hate getting low priority. maybe this time theyll both go crazy and ill finally get a room to myself. hey u never know.

weeeeeeeee pile it on

so if i werent feeling depressed enough here i just got completely owned by my homework. and by completely i mean completely. like i cant do any of it. any. tomorrow im going to beg my professor to give me an extension/educate me...on things hes already taught to everyone else. i swear to god i should not have gone to that fucking funeral, if i fail a class i really dont know what im going to do with myself.

god fuckin damnit

ive made basically this same exact post millions of times over the years, but here it is again. have u ever just felt completely and utterly disappointed in yourself. im nearly done with my second year of college. im nearly fucking 20. why am i still such a goddamn kid. i cant become close to people. its like im incapable. i run away. even when i consciously try to bring myself closer i run away in the end. to state the obvious, i am frustrated beyond belief with myself. i just dont see how i can change myself at this point tho. i try and analyze myself. wat is it im afraid of. is it fear even, is it something else that pulls me back. no its fear. i just hate to take risks. ive just never been able to put myself out there. there being that metaphorical place where people can connect. heres how im gonna articulate it. i squat in my corner. my corner is my own, i show nothing to people from my corner except what is visible from where they are, the actual room. people pass by my corner but in general i ignore them, and they pass by. but theres always exceptions rite? sometimes u find someone thats worth getting up from the corner and getting to know. and when i do, and i realize this person is alrite, it feels good. so now theres this acquantince in the room thats alrite, fine and dandy, but the problem is im just some bum squating in the corner. i like this alrite person, but why would they ever wanna be friends with a bum squatting in a corner. so i try and hide who i am...how? thats rite, by squatting in the corner. insecurities, more and more im realizing they rule my fucking life. maybe im overcoming them slowly in my own way, maybe i need to find myself some help, but i feel like im missing oppurtunities at great experiences during what really should be a fantastic time in my life. i cant get these years back, these people will soon be out of the room for good, and that, i think, is what angers me the most.

aaaaaaaaaand back to the school thingy

so I'm back. funeral sucked. i really cant handle that family. like immediately when we get there i just feel angry. I did what i normally do, which is act like a kid. then relatives arrived and i pretty much stood in a corner an shut up. then the actual funeral happens. boring, went quick enough tho. my dad just kind of slyly last minute informs me im one of the people carrying the casket/coffin thingy. i was fairly miffed. i wanted no part of the whole thing in the first place, he knows this too, i never really hid my displeasure with my grandmother from anyone, but he forces me to take part in the ceremonial bullshit. he tells me this in front of my aunts and cousins too, i cant fuckin refuse in front of these people. one cousin tells me "its a great honor wakka wakka wakka" and i was just like "yea...ill be honored..." had to wear a yamaka too, that was weak. the whole fuckin week i was there i just kept telling myself over and over and over "this is once in a lifetime, ill never have to do this again." and you know what, it is, now that shes gone, i have zero reason to ever see that family again. cant guilt me into it, its not like im alone in hating all the uncles either, my dads family is really easy to hate. anyway so after we have so gay celebration at some fancy pants restaurant. it sucked, spent the whole time standing behind my sister listening to her chat with people, i was lame and did not partake. the food was garbage too, again, just told myself never again. then after we go to some fancy pants italian restaurant with my uncle, aunt, and their asshole friend. said asshole friend really pissed me off, i just stared at the candle on the table the whole time trying to ignore his endless prattle, he was really just this idiot jew who somehow had a ton of money. the next day we go to my uncles for lunch or whatever, managed to piss my aunt off really bad within like 20 minutes, she left to go for a walk or some shit, i spent the next few hours once more silent, once agian telling myself, "never again." drove back saturday, spent sunday playing games, today i spent basically all day avoiding my homework, tomorrow i go back. im really fucked. ill leave it at that, but yea, really fucked. i really really really hope i dont fail any classes.