aaaaaaaaaand back to the school thingy

so I'm back. funeral sucked. i really cant handle that family. like immediately when we get there i just feel angry. I did what i normally do, which is act like a kid. then relatives arrived and i pretty much stood in a corner an shut up. then the actual funeral happens. boring, went quick enough tho. my dad just kind of slyly last minute informs me im one of the people carrying the casket/coffin thingy. i was fairly miffed. i wanted no part of the whole thing in the first place, he knows this too, i never really hid my displeasure with my grandmother from anyone, but he forces me to take part in the ceremonial bullshit. he tells me this in front of my aunts and cousins too, i cant fuckin refuse in front of these people. one cousin tells me "its a great honor wakka wakka wakka" and i was just like "yea...ill be honored..." had to wear a yamaka too, that was weak. the whole fuckin week i was there i just kept telling myself over and over and over "this is once in a lifetime, ill never have to do this again." and you know what, it is, now that shes gone, i have zero reason to ever see that family again. cant guilt me into it, its not like im alone in hating all the uncles either, my dads family is really easy to hate. anyway so after we have so gay celebration at some fancy pants restaurant. it sucked, spent the whole time standing behind my sister listening to her chat with people, i was lame and did not partake. the food was garbage too, again, just told myself never again. then after we go to some fancy pants italian restaurant with my uncle, aunt, and their asshole friend. said asshole friend really pissed me off, i just stared at the candle on the table the whole time trying to ignore his endless prattle, he was really just this idiot jew who somehow had a ton of money. the next day we go to my uncles for lunch or whatever, managed to piss my aunt off really bad within like 20 minutes, she left to go for a walk or some shit, i spent the next few hours once more silent, once agian telling myself, "never again." drove back saturday, spent sunday playing games, today i spent basically all day avoiding my homework, tomorrow i go back. im really fucked. ill leave it at that, but yea, really fucked. i really really really hope i dont fail any classes.