Lets be honest here folks, loneliness sucks. Some people can deal with it, some people choose it, theres other options out there but I'm not gonna list em all. I used to be fine with it, mostly because, I wasn't that lonely. I had friends you know. We saw each other at school, we got together sometimes out of school. Yea, I was miles away from being an actively social person, but that minimal interaction, that was important.
So let's take that away and dump me in santa cruz. I tell ya, it causes this kind of biting pain. I try not to think about it, but I mean its impossible not to really. My brain gets all crampy, my chest tightens up, it just feels bad. Its beyond frustrating. If lonliness really bothers me that much, why don't I go put myself out there, why don't I go make myself accesible to people. I dunno. I really don't. I often wonder if I have some kind of anxiety issue. It just doesn't seem normal, to avoid contact with people the way I do. I dunno. Certainly in one of those many transition periods of life. Guh I still can't seem to study for my classes. I'm really dragging my feet this quarter, I really cannot figure out what happened.
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