Trip

I uh...I made some progress today. I read a 27 page article for my art history class. I retained zero information, and it took me about 3 hours (no joke), but I read it, top to bottom. I'm really in a rut here. Everything I do seems to be regrettable. I'm tryin to live with a no regrets policy tho, makes for a difficult time.

I tripped going up some stairs today. Kind of sums everything up really. Wasn't hurt, actually caught myself so the only thing that hit the ground were my palms. Just when it happened it felt like slow motion, but I had no idea what was happening. All of a sudden the ground was comming so much closer, be my instincts took over for me, and before I could figure anything out I had, in one motion, already pushed myself up and was walking on. I feel like I'm doing everything unconciously right now. I keep mindlessly going through the routines, I keep fucking up in certain areas, but I just kind of keep barreling ahead without thought. I shouldn't be living like this. I have some pathetic form of an analytical mind, should be thinking through my actions and deciding on best courses of action to take.

Guh. It's not worth it is it. See this is my problem, I always convince myself nothing is this world is worth anything, and then I complain about my lack of motivation. I just wish I were out of here. No, even that's not it, I just wish I were more mature. I just wasn't ready to leave home. Seriously, I overestimated myself. I thought I was mature for my age, I thought getting away from home would be a great growing experience for me. I'm still just a kid, inside and out. A coward really, running from people, no matter their intentions.